Happy Thanksgiving

We Americans celebrate Thanksgiving on Thursday. I just want to say to anyone who may be reading my blog that I am thankful for my friends in Second Life. I never have played the "game" very well, but I am sincere in my desire to make others happy when I can.

So thanks to Allison, Crystal, Dana, Danger, Dany, Cliff, Xanadu, Wicked, Grace, Jadee, Jan, Kane, Cyrus, Kharma, LadyAlpha, Lili, Mudpile, Valerie, Lola101, Lonely, Paige, Pella, Monarch, Pat, Prudence, Sandie, Talatha, Warm, Fay, Crompton, Digital, Anthony, Issableau, and Suzy.

Thank you for talking to me, for helping to make me laugh, for tolerating my stupid remarks and my, more than occasional, depression. Thanks.

I know I am forgetting some, because you are not all in my friends list, yet you are my friends.

In real life I'll be raking leaves over the next few days, helping to prepare the feast on Thursday, and spending time with family. I hope you are taking time to spend time with your families too. -Harry

Poor Pixie

My dear pixie friend has been suffering from Computis Interuptis. Her PC died from a dead hard drive. It has been a month now since the last time she posted anything to her blog. I think I can safely speak for her friends in saying we all miss her wit and wisdom.

I know things have been rough lately. But don't despair. The Pixie Warrior will be back. I hope it is soon.

Friend, Unfriend, De-unfriend

Friends

Over the weekend I saw a girl I know sitting by herself on the wall. I said hello and sat down to keep her company (not to mention I needed company.) We both came to the sudden realization that we would like to get to be closer friends.

We went dancing and had a good time. We talked about our real lives and what we like to do. The next night we went dancing again and then to an 'almost' wedding. Almost because the groom didn't show up (More on that later.) Anyhow my new girl friend and I just like to dance and chat. No pressure, no drama. Just two people who get along nicely together and are considerate.

I saw my old girl friend, Kharma, at the 'almost' wedding. We talked a little. I would have liked to talked more, but I had a date, and there was the reason it was an 'almost' wedding.

I sent an IM to my oldest friend in SL, one of whom I haven't seen in months. We both have moved on with our lives, but I still would like to know how she is. Maybe I will send her an e-mail.

Friends in Need

The groom's avatar was there at the wedding chapel. The guests had arrived and were waiting. The appointed hour passed and nothing. Finally the best man made an announcement. The groom had gone AFK (away from the keyboard). Something must be wrong, but no one knew what. Hours passed without word. Friends consoled the bride who was upset.

The groom could not be raised on his cell phone and his avatar stood in the chapel mute. Finally early in the morning the bride got word. The groom's back went out on him in his kitchen. He was laying on the floor for quite some time before he was able to call for help and was taken to the emergency room.

Everyone was relieved as the word spread, literally around the world. Friends, even ones who had barely spoken to each other in weeks, came together to help out in this minor crisis. PS- The wedding will be re-scheduled.

Unfriend

There was a story in the news yesterday. The New Oxford Dictionary has declared the word 'unfriend' the new word of the year for 2009. Oxford defines "unfriend," a verb, thusly: "To remove someone as a 'friend' on a social networking site such as Facebook." CNN Article

Unfriending, or defriending people happens on Second Life too. Sometimes it is a matter of housekeeping. I occasionally make friends with a newbie for just a couple of days until they get their feet wet. I do it as a courtesy to them, but I removed them from my list after a week because most of the time I am really not interested in knowing them better.

De-unfriend

New Oxford, are you listening? Here's a new word for the dictionary. De-unfriend. It means to add a person that you have previously unfriended as a friend again. My ex-friend and I have been talking ever since the 'almost' wedding. She and I were very concerned about our two mutual friends and that seems to have made a difference. When we talk I feel that old warmth in her chats. She and I seem to be able to joke and laugh together again, even share an inside joke that only we know. I haven't asked her to make me a friend in the technical sense on SL, but I feel that we are friends again. In my heart she is still my friend, and I am hers, whenever she needs me to be.

Ahern

Ahern is the name of one of four regions that meet in one big welcome area in Second Life. The other three are Dore, Morris, and Bonifacio (let me check the spelling before you send a nasty comment). Each one has a large pavilion where residents like to sit and talk.

The Morris pavilion is the one in the background of the photo. To the left you see the "Pit" as we call it. It's a low square area with a wall all around where the four regions converge. Between the walls and the benches there is plenty of room to sit, but most folks stand. Usually there is lots of local chat to read and voice chat to listen to.

I've always liked this place. Most of the friends I've made, I made here. Most of the avatars you see here are human, but that doesn't mean you won't see an occasional furry, neko, robot*, mech warrior, demon, pixie, elf, or anything else. I've seen a few avatars that I'll be darned if I know what they were. It's as a diverse a place as you can imagine.

The people who inhabit those avatars are diverse too, and that's the fun of meeting people and making friends here. Over the year and a half I have been in SL I have listened to a lot of different opinions about nearly every topic from global warming, economics, government and politics, sex and religion. I don't always agree with what I hear, but it is fun to share perspectives with people from all over the earth.

The debates are usually entertaining. Sometimes they get hot as one person tries to shout other opinions down. They often lose in the end, because unreasonable behavior will usually get them muted by the majority who become tired of their rants. I never debated in school, but it seems to me that there are rules that are common sense. Make logical arguments. Provide facts or evidence to back up your statements. Respect the other side's opinions and give them the same fair hearing that you want for your opinions.

Anyhow back to the main topic. I needed to leave Morris for awhile. Too crowded, you might say. I haven't gone far though. If I am not in Waterhead, you might see me in Dore or Bonifacio. I might even be (shutter) in the "pit". If you see me say hello.

* Robot avatars are one thing. "Bots" are another. Bots can be any kind of avatar, but they are not people. They have been programmed by their owners to walk around, speak and respond to others in very simple sentences. Sometimes they are there just to spy on the area, or sometimes send out spam to people.

Walking With A Friend

Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow.

Don't walk behind me, I may not lead.

Just walk beside me and be my friend forever.

~unknown

I was thinking of the parable of the steps in the sand of a man and God. The man looks back and sees that part of the time there was only one pair of footprints. He asks God "What happened. Why did you leave me?" And God replies "I didn't leave you then. Those are my footprints. I was carrying you."

Friends are like that too. Sometimes they are walking beside us, sharing our adventures. Sometimes they walk ahead of us to show the way. Sometimes they walk behind us, pushing us to go forward with our lives. But sometimes they are that one set of footprints, carrying us when we have fallen and can't go on.

I was pretty depressed in the past week. Things seemed pretty bleak and I felt all alone. That's when my friends stepped in. Friend, after friend sat and talked to me. Friends, who I thought were just casual acquaintances, spent time with me and tried to help me through my depression.

These people surprised me. They made me feel better. They didn't give up on me. They stood by me and kept me from falling. I had a friend once who changed drastically, pushing me away, pushing other friends away. Hurting herself more and more. It hurt me to watch and finally I walked away. I felt bad about that, but I got tired of her abuse.

Friends are good to have. I am glad for the friends I have now and I don't want to lose another.

"When you ask God for a gift,

Be thankful if he sends,

Not diamonds, pearls or riches,

but the love of real true friends."

~Helen Steiner Rice

What do you say?

I wrote about friendship once before when I had a friend who I thought I could trust, someone I cared about. I lost that friend. Big deal. They come and go, right? I wish it was that simple.

It's not that simple because I've never been a person who can trust and be comfortable with others. In other words, I don't make friends easily. I learned the hard lesson as a kid that most friends are superficial. Most just want things from you... a ride in your car, money, cigarettes, etc. As long as you provide for their needs you are a friend. It took awhile, but I learned that I had very few real friends by my late teens. Now when I do make a friend, a real friend, I do it when I feel safe with that person. I want to do anything for them and accept their faults because I want them to accept me with my faults.

I know what happened to cause my ex-friend to turn on me, to de-friend me in SL, but I don't know why what I did was so terrible. I made a mistake. I took her photo. When she started yelling I deleted the photo without anyone ever seeing it. I apologized. I begged forgiveness. It did no good.

First I was shocked. I didn't know what to say. Then I got angry. How could she end our friendship so callously? Then I got depressed. I tried again to talk to her. She finally started talking to me. She even expected me to say hello when we were in the same sim together and pretend nothing happened. Another friend told me to give it time and I have tried. I tried to show that I still liked her, that I respected her, that I still wanted her friendship. That changed last night. She went out of her way to be hurtful.

I've been trying to move on with my SL, even though I have been as much fun to be around as a cat's box that needs cleaning. I sit or stand in one place and hope I can think of something cute or witty to add to the conversation, but when you are depressed that is hard to do. So most of the time I sit there on the wall, mute and alone. But last night a newbie came up to me and said hello. Being a newbie, she had nothing in her profile, so I started talking to her. She was Brazilian and her avatar was not that good looking. Newbies rarely are until someone helps them find a skin and shape that looks more realistic and shows them where to shop for free clothes. Old hands know that and usually help a newbie unless they start talking obnoxious. My ex-friend thought to give me some advice. She suggested that Brazilians are hot, but in this case "Eeew".

Most of the people I know, whose RL photos I've seen, are your average middle-aged people. Most of us, but not all, are a bit overweight and past our prime. I make no bones about the fact I am overweight, out of shape, have a heart condition, and take way too many prescription drugs because I am overweight, etc.

I have a good looking avatar (my opinion and others), but I know that is not the true me, nor is it the true anyone else. We chose to look one way in SL, that represents our ideal self, or our fantasy self, but rarely our real self.

The very same ex-friend, who has the nerve to criticize the looks of a newbie, picking on her solely because the girl was talking to me, this ex-friend used to talk about how it's more important who you are inside and not your appearance. I can only assume she did it because she didn't care whether she hurt my feelings or that of the newbie.

I guess we are 'even' now. I did something she won't forgive. She did something that I shouldn't forgive.

Ideally you make a friend forever. You might not see them for months or even years, but when you do, you pick up where you left off. Friends stick with you when times are hard. You might not have the right words to say, but you try to say something.

What do you say to someone who just told you they had been molested as a child, or facing an ugly divorce and an uncertain future, or that they are critically ill with a debilitating disease that will only get worse and more crippling? What do you say when a young girl in her early 20s, who claims to be 105, tells you the headaches won't go away. What do you say to the lovely English lady who hopes her cancer stays in remission. DAMMIT! WHAT DO YOU SAY? TELL ME!

Tell me, because that is just a few of the things my 'friends' in SL have told me. I've tried to be loving and supportive and I KEEP FAILING to be the best friend I can be. I keep losing friends. Three so far are no longer in SL. Two were incurable and I hope they past gently into the next world. I am hoping the third is still alive although she is not online anymore. She said she would have to give up SL one day.

I've run out of words to say. I'm exhausted. I have tried hard, maybe too hard, to be something that maybe I wasn't meant to be. Maybe I wasn't meant to be anyone's friend. I need to stay away from SL for awhile and let things quiet down. Maybe with time I can gain some perspective. Despite all my pain and despair, I am closing with another poem about friends that I found on the Internet.

You My Friend

You my friend
You don't always show it,
but I know that you care.

You My friend
If I'd ever need you,
I know you'd be there.

You I'm glad you're my friend.
Your smile makes me smile.
Your pain makes me hurt.

You My friend
I want you to know:
If you need me--I'm there.
make you happy, make you laugh.

You My friend
Sometimes you make me mad,
but I can't stay mad.

You My friend
Sometimes I want to get away from you.
And sometimes there's nothing I want more than:
to talk to you, to tell you about my day,
to hear about yours, to laugh with you,
to tease you, to share an inside joke,
that no one else would get,
to argue with you,
but know we're just kidding..

You My friend
Do you remember the time when...?
There are so many times.

You My friend
Don't ever lose the wonderful person you are.
Stay happy. Stay healthy. Stay you.

You My friend
I'll never stop being your friend.
Don't ever stop being mine.

You My friend
Just wanted to tell you:
I care.

~Author Unknown

Duct Tape... Yeah I can fix that!

Man's way of solving almost any problem...

except women.

A great Quote

"There are three rules for writing a novel. Unfortunately, no one knows what they are." - William Somerset Maugham

I started my 'great American novel' over forty years ago and I wrote less than one chapter. It was called A Man With Clumsy Hands and although it was not autobiographical, the main character was me. At 19 I was a kid in his first year of college who desperately wanted friends, particularly a girlfriend, and wanted to fit in with everyone else.

For reasons that I have never understood, I was sort of popular in an awkward way. I had casual friends, and I got along with my roommate. (We hitchhiked to Newport News together to join the Air Force in December 1968.) Plenty of girls talked to me and bummed cigarettes off me. I finally got it through my head that most of my 'popularity' came from the fact that I always had cigarettes and money in my pockets.

In the year and a half before I dropped out to join the service, I never had a girlfriend. I didn't leave one waiting for me at home either. My unfinished novel was about a sad character who didn't know how to relate to girls, one who had been hurt so often that he would rather be lonely than risk having his heart broken one more time. The conflict involves a girl who, in my imagination, is very interested in him, but she can't get past his defenses. He keeps pushing her away. At the same he is attracted to her, but is afraid that he will ultimately be rejected once again.

Forty years ago, a young inexperienced writer was stuck because he could not imagine a suitable ending to his story. He wanted a happy ending (don't we all), but could not find a way to weave the tale to a conclusion.

Forty years later I am in the same fix. I still don't know how to find that happy ending. I still don't know how to make and keep friends. The friends I have... well I always feel deep down that I still don't fit in, that if I disappear overnight I would not be missed.

Like the character in the book I never wrote, I sit and stare at my clumsy hands. Hands that never made anything worthwhile, never could hold on to anything good. Clumsy, useless hands.

Long Time... No See

I haven't written in quite awhile. Part of the time I was busy and happy and there was no need to write about what was happening. Then a lot of things went downhill fast.

• SL girlfriend and I had a misunderstanding, me jumping to conclusions because a friend said something about her.
• SL girlfriend got sick again.
• SL girlfriend had computer/internet service problems.
• SL friend (the one I thought I was very close to, like BFF) turned against me.

All of a sudden my SL world was crashing all around me. I couldn't be with the girl I wanted to be with. I couldn't turn to the person I trusted the most. Everything I was working towards in my relationships was gone or falling apart.

My SL gf and I are doing ok now. We cleared up our misunderstanding and have created alternative ways of communicating without Second Life. We are friends in real life and I want to keep her as a friend no matter what. She feels the same way. I am still worried about her health and she is fighting to recover.

My former friend... I don't know. I won't go into details. She would not like that. She has a right to her privacy. All I know is that I did something that by all appearances was harmless. I immediately apologized and tried to correct my mistake. I was screamed at and immediately de-friended. My action did not deserve the response I got. I think it was the trigger that set off something else that had been festering inside her for a long while. This former friend now hates me and I can only imagine why.

I still have some friends. One is an author who used to be friends with the same person that de-friended me. At the time I tried real hard to reconcile them. They both are strong, opinionated women and I tried to get them back together. I pushed both of them and they both told me to back off or lose their friendship. I had to admit defeat.

It's awkward in Morris now. The rest of my friends are friends of my ex-friend. Being around them means coming in contact, or at least close proximity, with her. At first I tried going to other sims, but there were few people I know outside of Morris and I wasn't upbeat enough to start conversations and make a new batch of friends.

So I went back to Morris and tried to stay a proper distance away from her while being close enough to my other friends to talk. Then I said "to Hell with this" and got closer to talk to my other friends, the whole time wanting to shout "please be my friend again!" to her.

I know that she feels like I have grieved her badly in some way. She doesn't do things without a reason. I know I have made mistakes in the past. That's why I apologize so often. I make mistakes! I am sorry!

Maybe she never was a friend. A real friend would have understood that.

Game Over Man!

If you spend time in Second Life, like I have, you get to the point where you think that it is all real. You think that the people are real. You think the relationships are real. You think that feelings are real.

Friend, let me tell you here and now that it ain't so. It's all in your head. You are imagining it. If you forget that it is going to punch you in the face. You'll find yourself dazed and bleeding. You'll be wondering WTF happened. What happened is that SL is a game, and Dude, you just lost.

Mea Culpa

Having been married 35 years I realize that men are generally stupid when it comes to women. I was stupid recently in Second Life. Not for the first time either. I made an offhand remark months ago that was taken in a way I did not expect. I was told that I was wrong and I apologized for my insensitivity. The really stupid thing I did the other day was to make another offhand and totally unnecessary remark that was not as witty and I thought it was. I won't go any further in the details, but I was lucky to be forgiven by someone I feel really close to and cherish her friendship.

The remainder of this post comes from a e-mail that someone sent my wife and she in turn passed on to me. Why would a man post jokes about men? mea culpa, mea maxima culpa.

Why's of Men

1. WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER DURING SEX?

(because they are plugged into a genius)

2. WHY DON'T WOMEN BLINK DURING SEX?

(they don't have enough time)

3. WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO FERTILIZE ONE EGG?

(they don't stop to ask directions)

4. WHY DO MEN SNORE WHEN THEY LIE ON THEIR BACKS?

(because their balls fall over their butt-hole and they vapor lock)

(You're laughing, aren't you?!?!)

5. WHY WERE MEN GIVEN LARGER BRAINS THAN DOGS?

(so they won't hump women's legs at cocktails parties)

6. WHY DID GOD MAKE MEN BEFORE WOMEN?

(you need a rough draft before you make a final copy)

7. HOW MANY MEN DOES IT TAKE TO PUT A TOILET SEAT DOWN?

(don't know...it never happened)

( C'mon guys, we laugh at your blonde jokes!)

And the personal favorite:

8. WHY DID GOD PUT MEN ON EARTH?

(because a vibrator can't mow the lawn)

Childhood Memories

My brother sent me an email today. That in itself is news worthy. We never were that close and we usually only talk on holidays and Mom's birthday. But he sent me this email. It's about life in black and white for those of us who are over 40 years old. Ok, I am way over 40. It's a long email with a bunch of pictures. Let me give you a few excerpts:

• My Mom used to cut chicken, chop eggs and spread Mayo on the same cutting board with the same knife and no bleach, but we didn't seem to get food poisoning

• My Mom used to defrost hamburger on the counter AND I used to eat it raw sometimes, too. Our school sandwiches were wrapped in wax paper in a brown paper bag, not in ice-pack coolers, but I can't remember getting e.coli.

Note: Two things, I personally have never eaten raw hamburger. I don't care for steak tartar and you can't pay me to eat raw fish. My wife eats raw cookie dough and raw spaghetti which grosses me out. But I did get food poisoning once in the first grade from a sandwich with mayo. I switched to PB & J and didn't eat bologna again for years! The funny thing is that it was probably the mayo and not the bologna that made me sick.

• We played 'king of the hill' on piles of gravel left on vacant construction sites, and when we got hurt, Mom pulled out the 48-cent bottle of Mercurochrome (kids liked it better because it didn't sting like iodine did) and then we got our butt spanked.

• We didn't act up at the neighbor's house either because if we did, we got our butt spanked there and then we got butt spanked again when we got home.

This email brought back a bunch of old memories for me and I wanted to go back home again to see the places where I played as a child.

There was the sandy lot across the street where my best friend Ryland and I organized our toy soldiers into two massive armies to battle against the forces of evil. We also used war surplus ammo belts to make our Batman utility belts full of a arsenal of crime fighting devices to defeat the Penguin and Joker.

Just a short bike ride down a busy two-lane highway was the home of my classmates Chris and Scott. They were twin brothers who, in later years, would become local sports heros and big men on campus. But in our pre-teen years we were blood-brothers and great friends who built a tree house in the woods behind their house and had pine cone wars in the old rickety barn nearby.

Finally there was THE FORT. It evolved over time. It started out as a shallow depression in the ground in the woods behind my grandfather's shop. When I was a child this building was already a dark and mostly unused relic. My grandfather, who died before I was old enough to fully appreciate his genius, was a master mechanic and inventor. He didn't just built machines. He could and did forge the parts he needed in his designs. The forge was in the front of the building and I remember watching my father use it once. Most of the other machine tools had been moved to a new shop building across the road from the family peanut processing plant several miles away.

THE FORT grew as we added walls of salvaged wood and tin roofing that just 'happened' to be laying around. To make it livable in winter we added a fireplace of bricks and rocks with a flue that never did draft properly. One side of the complex was more open to "attack" by hordes of toy machine gun wielding invaders, so we wove a fence of thorns that was quite painful to stumble into in the dark.

It was a wondrous place where we used our imaginations and fought battles against commies, nazis, and aliens (the outer space kind). I wanted to see it again. I wanted to return to that magical place so I used Google Earth to go there. At least I tried. I found the shop, but the beautiful rural woods of my youth had been sub-divided into lots with roads and homes. Sigh... Tom Wolfe was right. You can't go home again.

Signs of Friendship

This is a short posting today. My sister just sent me some humorous signs. I've picked a few to share with my friends in Second Life. Enjoy! May they bring a smile to your face.

Second Life is a Community

The fact that Second Life is a community is not apparent to everyone. Some people are here for business. Some are here to play games. Others are exploring a place they have never been before. Most will say that their real life is private and separate from SL. When they think of their community they are thinking of the town or city they live in the real world.

Newbies don't realize it at first, but it should be obvious to the long-term residents that Second Life is a community (really many communities). Many of us work to make this world a better place. We police ourselves and try to discourage bad behavior, hard to define, but easy to recognize. We help one another. There are official SL mentors in many of the welcome areas and there is the Help People group that trains volunteers, but then there are many of us that will stop and help a confused looking avatar change their appearance, give them a landmark, or help them find someone who speaks their native tongue.

We also give. When wildfires ravaged Australia, more than just a few groups and clubs held events to raise funds to help. I don't know how much was raised over the whole of SL, but the club I was in at the time raised over $300 US for the Australian Red Cross. The Relay for Life has become an annual event in Second Life. We talk and raise awareness of issues that affect all of us on this planet.

Our groups of friends become very close and important to us. That became very apparent to me yesterday. My SL girlfriend had been sick, very sick. She was in the hospital for 11 days. When she finally returned online yesterday I was so happy, so relieved to see her, I wanted to shout it to everyone. We spent a lot of time talking and catching up on what had happened, but I had to share her with so many others who wanted to talk to her too and let her know how much she had been missed.

I was a bit peeved at first because I wanted to monopolize her time, but she had so many instant messages to reply to that I just had to be patient and share her with the whole community of friends. All day long it was "Hold on. I have an IM that I need to answer". I didn't mind, much. She was home (in RL and SL) and with me.

She told me later last night how overwhelming it was to have so many caring people in Second Life concerned for her. Sadly more friends here than she has in real life were worried about her health and expressing their gladness that she was on the road to recovery. But it made me think again about community.

Over the ages man has formed communities. Our ancestors gathered families together in tribes to hunt, grow crops, raise their young in a protected environment, pool their knowledge and pass it on to the next generations. Communities share common values. They share the good times and suffer the bad times together. A community provides the strength that we don't have always as individuals. Yesterday I saw that strength and a sharing of love that is wondrous and beautiful in any community, but I was so grateful to see it in MY community in Second Life.

Ah Crap! I forgot!

Women are from Venus and men are from Mars. We are different. Most of the time that is a good thing. Viva la difference! Where was I going with this. I forgot.

Oh that's right. Men forget. My wife can tell you all the mistakes I have made in the past 30 years. The list is extensive. I can't remember what she was wearing yesterday. I can tell you what I was wearing yesterday because I still have those clothes on now. Hmm, what was I going to say next?

Women forget things too. They forget the pain of childbirth. Good thing too or there would be a lot of only children in the world. But where was I?

Grace finally told me what I am writing about. Cheating... I forgot. Cheating is a form of forgetting too.

When a husband or wife cheats, it's because someone forgot. They forgot about why they fell in love, forgot their vows, and forgot that a marriage isn't a perfect thing. Marriage is something that takes constant work, building and repairing. A relationship is built slowly over time, but it doesn't take much time to damage it. All it takes is a hurtful word, or an act of infidelity.

Another friend just reminded me of another reason. Indifference. The 'ok I'm married to you, but you're not the most important thing in my life' that lets a relationship slowly die. One person gets tired of being ignored and finds someone that shows more interest.

Cheating is wrong no matter who does it. But cheating itself is not the problem, it's a symptom of a problem. The problem is that a marriage or any relationship is not one-sided. Both people have to work to keep it fresh and growing. a relationship can survive cheating, but it requires honesty, understanding, and a commitment to renewing the love that had faded. Sometimes that is not possible.

I forget to do lots of things like grading papers over the weekend, taking out the trash, picking up after myself, and moving the laundry from the washer to the dryer. But no matter what I forget to do in real life, or what foolish things I do in Second Life, I remember why I got married and why I love my wife. I'm not perfect. Just ask my wife if you have time enough to listen. I've made my mistakes and I have my regrets, but I have never regretted marrying my wife.

Time, Second Life, and Relationships

"if I could save time in a bottle
the first thing i'd like to do,
I'd save everyday like a treasure and then,
Again I would spend them with you."
~Jim Croche

Second Life is a wonderful world. There are so many things to do and see. The are so many amazing people to meet. And so little time.

Time. It's our ultimate enemy, the one thing we will never defeat. Our time in this world or the virtual world is finite. God! I am sounding morose. Nothing is more constant than the progression of time and we can't stop it, reverse it, or save it in a bottle.

Time in Second Life moves fast too, and not just because there are 4 days in a 24 hour period. People come and go more quickly. Entire sims change overnight. The virtual world is always evolving. The one thing that I wish would never change is friendship and love.

I am quick to make friends and I try too hard to keep them. Why? I am not sure I want to go into a self-analysis here, but I need people to like me. I guess I spent too much of my early life being alone and I hate it.

Old Family Photos

This has nothing to do with SL. Imitation is, they say, the sincerest form of flattery. One of my friends, 'She, Who Shall Not Be Named', has been posting old photos from the turn of the twentieth century. I don't have any photos that old, but this one is one of the oldest in my family's album. The date on the back is 1926.

My mother, the small child sitting in the foreground of the composition, was 4 years old. The family lived in Kocise, Czechoslovakia. My grandfather had left for America shortly after the conception of a son, my uncle Johnny. A carpenter by trade, he traveled to Ohio where he was sponsored by another relative already there. He worked hard and by 1929 saved enough money for his young wife and family to come to America. This photo was one of a series. Once a year, my grandmother would spend some of her precious money on a picture that she sent to her husband nearly half a world away so he could see how his family was growing.

I don't know who the lady on the left is My guess is that she is one of my mother's aunts. Standing in front of her is Rose, the oldest. Seated next is my mother, Mary, and then the baby, Johnny. My grandmother, who died long before I was born is holding her son. Reunited in Cleveland, my grandparents had three more children before my grandmother died around 1934.

To every thing there is a season,

and a time to every purpose under the heaven...

A time to weep, and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
~Ecclesiastes 3: verses 1 and 4. Bible [KJV]

"One warning is perhaps in order---this territory we are entering can become a fantastic time-sink. Hours can slip by, people can come and go, and you'll be locked into Cyberspace. Remember to do your work!"

~Brendan P. Kehoe in his introduction to Zen and the Art of the Internet, A Beginner's Guide to the Internet. January 1992.

Mr. Kehoe's words could just as easily describe the experience many of us have in Second Life. Almost everyday I hear new residents saying how addictive the 'game' is and that they really need to cut back their hours online. I know that to be true myself. In my first few months I was on almost night and day. I would crawl off to bed exhausted around four or five a.m. only to get up at 7:00 and try to hide the fact that I was dead tired. After breakfast and coffee, LOTS of coffee, I was logging in again to explore more of the world.

I have seen horror tales of people who have destroyed their real lives as the ignored the families and closed themselves off into a room with their computer to completely immerse themselves in the virtual world. They did not play an avatar, but became the avatar and returned to real life only to eat and sleep.

Luckily for me I was on summer break and I could get away with sleeping late if I felt like it. By the time school started again I had a schedule that was much more reasonable. My first girlfriend was British and there was a five hour time difference between us. If I could login at 5:00 p.m. in the USA, I could spend a couple of hours with her before she logged off at midnight in England. If I pushed myself in the morning and got up at 4:00 I could spend and hour before I had to "wake up" for breakfast and work. We could spend more time together on weekends.

When that relationship ended I met a Dutch girl. The time difference was six hours, but it meant that we only saw each other on weekends. Now my girlfriend lives in the same time zone and so do some of my friends. My hours are more reasonable, four or five per night. Hey, I could just as well waste my time watching TV. I still spend more time online on weekends, but that is what a weekend is for.

One thing though. I have always made time for my family and real life friends. I keep real life real and know the difference between my virtual life and reality.

Can You Hear Me Now?

I like voice chat. I used to never use it, because it seems a little rude to be talking on my computer while other people (in RL) are watching TV in the same room. That was one reason. The other was that I was so used to doing text chats and IMs that it didn't really cross my mind to use voice.

That's not true now. Most of my friends use voice and you can tell a lot about people from the inflection of their voices as they talk.

Stephan, our resident scotsman, has a great accent, and although we kid him about it, we really can understand what he says. Well most of the time.

Valerie has the voice of an angel. Sweet and light, she laughs easily and can bring me out of a bad mood in an instant.

Dana is a southern belle with a voice to match. When she is laughing, I can hear the mischief she is planning in her head.

Kharma is an Australian lady I just met last night. She sounds prim and proper, but like all good Aussies, she can sling a good zinger of a comment out there to get everyone laughing.

James - I also met him last night. This Alabama country boy's voice should be bottled. It is as smooth and sharp as a good twelve year-old bourbon.

Someone else will have to provide an opinion of what my voice sounds like. I hope I sound pleasant. I only have a southern accent when I try and I think about it. But I really need to find a decent USB headset. I tend to shout at the mic built into my computer.

Who have I left out? I have a lot more friends, but not all of them use voice. Yesterday voice was working well. The lag in the sim was less that it had been in days, but you couldn't sit down. Some of us looked normal to ourselves and some people, but looked "Ruthed" to others.

We chatted about computers, clothes, skins and shapes, and how to build using flexible, sculpted prims. If that sounds boring, we also talked about how many pounds are in a stone, how many stones are in a ton, and what people look like without tops on. LOL.

fi yuo cna raed tihs...

I usually hate getting chain letters like this in my e-mail. I refuse to forward these things to "everyone in your address book." But every once in awhile I get an interesting e-mail, but I still don't forward them. I like this one though and I am dedicating this post to Crystal, the "Typo Queen" of Morris!

fi yuo cna raed tihs, yuo hvae a sgtrane mnid too

Cna yuo raed tihs? Olny 55 plepoe out of 100 can.

i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! if you can raed tihs forwrad it

You May Be Experiencing Lag!

Lag is a fact of Second Life for all of us. There is always a little lag in every sim. So many things affect it, the number of avatars, avatar rendering costs, the number of prims, among other factors. From time to time, the servers just slow down for reasons only known by Lord Linden himself. Jeff Foxworthy made a fortune with his "You may be a redneck" jokes. Let's look at the ways you know you are experiencing lag in Second Life.

1. If your friends ask why are you naked, you may be experiencing lag.


2. If you are in _______ (fill in the name of your favorite welcome area), you may be experiencing lag.


3. If you are always sinking into the terrain when you are in Nova Albion, you're having a normal day there, LOL.


4. If you can't stop walking through buildings, walls, and other people, you may be experiencing lag.


5. If your rezzed with a female shape and you have a male avatar, you may be experiencing lag.


6. If you rezzed without your hair, you may be experiencing lag.


7. If you can't control your movements and keep bumping into people, you may be experiencing lag, or you are a newbie.


8. If a friend leaves and your "CU L8R" text shows up in chat five minutes later, you may be experiencing lag.


9. If you can't sit on the wall at Morris, you may be experiencing lag.


10. If you can only get one shoe to rez, you may be experiencing lag.


11. If you can't teleport, you may be experiencing lag.


12. If you can't adjust your appearance without re-logging, you may be experiencing lag.


13. If your boyfriend leaves you for another girl and you don't find out for a week, you may... no wait, that's not lag. That's just life!

A Slow Day in Real Life

I have eight more days of school. Actually 7.5 days... the last day is a half day and then I can relax for almost two months of vacation, marred only by the need to do yard work and summer classes. Today is an easy day though. We are doing state mandated testing.

Ah testing. What can I say about this annual rite of passage? Not much really. I can't tell you how the test is given, what grade I was testing, who was in the room, or what was served in the cafeteria. Okay, the last part is a fib. The cafeteria menu is not secret, just disgusting.

What can I tell you about testing? Probably that it worries us teachers more than it does most of the kids. There are two adults in each room, even if there is only one student. One is the administrator and one is the proctor. That's to cover our butts. We can verify what the other did during testing and what the students did.

Because of the "No Child Left Behind" law, every year more students must pass these tests. Teachers who teach the core subjects are under the gun to have high pass rates (100% by 2014). The rest of us are expected to supplement our curriculums with English, math, science, and social studies materials to reinforce those core areas. And any discrepancy is the testing process can cause a teacher to be fired and lose his/her license.

I used to teach earth science years ago. I loved it. The units that I covered in class included geology, oceanography, meteorology, and astronomy (my favorite). I had a curriculum to follow, what we call our Standards of Learning (SOL), but I was free to design my course around those goals. I loved to teach my meteorology unit at the beginning of the winter months when the students were interested in predicting when the next snow day was coming. I usually started the year with geology, but I loved to bring up current events of earthquakes or volcanos anytime of the year. If NASA was launching a space probe or a shuttle mission, you better believe that was the topic of the day in my class room.

But that all changed. Accountability in the class room lead to tighter standards. I could no longer be flexible in my teaching and my assessment of student progress. Field trips were limited to only those that could be justified under the SOL. A strict curriculum guide was written in every school outlining instruction down to the week and sometimes day. Tests and quizzes needed to conform to the style used in the state tests. In other words, we teachers were expected to become robots who taught to the test. The all important, unforgiving, inflexible test.

Now before you begin to think I am too bitter, cynical, and morose, there still is a lot of fun and creativity in teaching. We just have to work harder to pull it all together and educate our students as well as teach to the test. The younger teachers, God bless them, are better at that than I am (old dogs... new tricks). I am impressed with their energy and creativity. Was I that energetic once long ago?

Today was an easy day for me. The students were quiet after testing and laid their heads on their desks and slept. A few read their books (Twilight is very popular this year with the little girls). During the afternoon I only had four students in class while others were testing. When I finish this post in a minute, I'll load it and go online. Maybe my girlfriend will be there. I've missed her. Maybe one of my other friends will have time to talk. Maybe the lag will not be so bad tonight. LAG! UGH! But that is another story.

The only way to have a friend...

"The only way to have a friend is to be one."
~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

I might be too close to this topic to write about it impartially. How do we make friends online? How do people become close, really close? And no, I am not talking about pixel sex here. How do we open up and share details of our lives with people who are seemingly totally unknown to us? Why, why would I tell you my dark secrets, secrets I keep hidden from my family and my therapist?

A friend is one who knows us,
but loves us anyway.
~Fr. Jerome Cummings

Like I said, this is a hard topic. When we enter an online world like Second Life, we come here for various reasons - to play games, explore our fantasies, or to socialize and learn about other cultures. No matter why you are here, you are going to make friends. It's inevitable. You are in a world with people who have similar interests, and you can't help but talk and interact with them. Second Life is designed for friendship. We can instantly know when a friend is online. We can talk privately to them. With their permission we can even know their location in-world.

How do we make friends? That is the easy part. Just like real life you meet someone. You talk to him or her. Either you are impressed with the person's wit and agree with his or her opinions or you don't. Some people make friends quickly... and drop friends quickly. Others take their time. A friendship is not just part of the game to all of us. We take it seriously. We want and need true friendship.

"The greatest good you can do for another is not just
to share your riches but to reveal to him his own."
~ Benjamin Disraeli

I am in the first group, sort of. When I listen to someone talk, what they say and how they say it, I make a pretty quick decision about whether or not I want them for a friend. But sometimes it still takes time, because the other person might be a slow-to-friendship person. Some of my best friends are of that kind of person. I hung around them for months, talking, joking, discussing everything from the weather around the world to favorite music and movies. In some cases I finally made the move to ask for official SL friendship. Other times my friend has offered it to me.

In a virtual world our privacy is important to everyone. I might be a three-toed sloth online with a disturbing fetish for leather boots. If I were, I would be unhappy to be outed on LickMyBootsYou3-toedSloth.com with my real name and other personal info. Second Life would not be happy either. If clients cannot maintain a reasonable level of anonymity then people will not be willing to spend time and money there. Yet as we make friends in-world we open up to each other just like in real life because friendship, true friendship is always based on trust.

"If we would build on a sure foundation in friendship,
we must love friends for their sake rather than for our own."
~ Charlotte Bronte

Here is where a conversation with a friend comes in. We were talking the other night. Let me say first that we are not intimate. I feel like we are brother and sister. I care for her deeply. When she laughs, I laugh. When she cries, her tears pierce my heart. We were talking about very personal things in our individual real lives. She knows some secrets of mine. I know some of hers. We trust each other with those secrets. That night as she virtually cried on my shoulder we asked each other why we could tell each other things that we can't even tell our real life friends.

I have thought about her question for days. Trust is the first answer to come mind. I know I trust her and obviously she trusts me. But why trust a 'friend' you have not met face-to-face? Part of it may have to do with the anonymity of an online relationship. My friend and I both understand it is highly unlikely that we will ever meet in real life. The distance that separates us also insulates us from each other.

"A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good
egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked."
~ Bernard Meltzer

The more I think about it, the more I realize that there are lots of examples of friendships that have developed over time where the people may have never met face-to-face. People throughout the years, yes even before the Internet, have been pen-pals, met and talked on the same ham or CB frequencies, or talked for long hours of the night on the telephone.

When you are listening to someone this way, through the text that they have typed on the screen, listened carefully to their spoken words and phrases, even taking note of the pauses before they answer a question, we learn to read someone and gain insight into their personality. I knew a lot about my friend, how she felt about different subjects, people, and life, by paying close attention to everything she said while I was around her, long before we became official friends.

Many people will walk in and out of your life,
but only true friends
will leave footprints in your heart.
~Eleanor Roosevelt

Like I said in the beginning of this post, I am probably too close to this to write about it effectively. As I write this I keep thinking of my friend. A smile passes over my lips as I think that shortly she will be reading these words and how I can't wait to hear her comments on them.

Get A First Life

OMG! This is so funny. You have got to click on the link and visit this parody of Second Life!
http://www.getafirstlife.com/

A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To The Sandbox

This isn't exactly PG, but I've cleaned it up as best as I could.

One night in Morris I was explaining to a newbie about how pose balls were used to be... ah, intimate with another avatar. Myself and another resident were also telling him how, although girl avatars didn't need any attachments, for the sake of realism he needed an anatomical 'attachment' which he did not presently own.

There was a female newbie standing nearby who was taking an interest in all this and made it plain that she was willing to try out the poses with him in another, more mature, sim. Here's the funny part. When she heard that he needed the 'attachment' she began running around shouting "Can anyone help me? My boyfriend needs a c**k so he can f**k me!" "Please help me... my boyfriend needs a c**k!"

All the residents in chat range burst out laughing. I was laughing so hard, I couldn't even type LOL, LMAO, or ROFLMAO so others knew I was laughing. The bottom line is someone else gave him a freebie to use and I lead them to a sim where they could be alone and left them there to experiment.

Don't Be A Nasty Newbie!

I pretty much live in the Morris Welcome area. I don't own land so I park my butt on the wall and talk to my friends and go from there to a store, or dance club, some other event, or wander down to the sandbox to try my hand at building.

Being a welcome area, there are always tons of people here, oldsters and newbies. My friends and I like to help newbies. We talk to them and help out with their questions. We give out landmarks to clubs and beaches and freebie stores. We'll help you change your appearance and give you clothes, hair and skins.

We will help anyone usually, except for the nasty newbies. What is a nasty newbie? A Nasty Newbie...

• Bumps people repeatedly. Either he doesn't know where he is going or doesn't care.
  
• Asks the same question over and over again. Yo Dude! Listen. I told you twice already.
  
• Sends friendship requests before talking to someone. The purpose of friendship is SL is to be able to easily communicate with your friends and IM them even if you can't see them. The Contacts tab lets you see when your friends are online.

I have made friends with newbies, but it is usually temporary. I help them for a few days and then usually drop them as they have moved on to make real friends. Most of my current friends I have known inworld for 3-6 months before friendship was offered and accepted. I have lots of aquaintances who I am friendly with, but we haven't added each other to our lists yet.

• Asks or begs for money. Dude I'm not your daddy. Ask him for money. Either buy some Linden$, or get a job.
  
• SHOUTS EVERYTHING WITH THE CAPS LOCK ON. You only need to shout if someone is outside your normal chat range and ALL CAPS is not necessary, just rude. Besides if you know whoever you are trying to talk to then IM them.
  
• Asking personal questions to someone you just met. It's ok to ask where you are from, but don't expect to be told more than the country. What age am I? I don't get asked very often (it's in my profile) but the ladies do get asked a lot. They may not tell you or they may just lie. Why bother?
  
• Ask for sexual favors in open chat or IM. I have seen a newbie walk up to three very lovely friends of mine and ask each one in turn for cybersex. One, these are ladies. Two, you are a newbie and, face it, not that attractive, and three, Dude, you don't ask for sex in a welcome area. Go to a sex sim where you will fit in.

Good manners work no matter what country you come from. Be polite and others will be willing to answer your questions and enjoy a conversation with you. Be rude and people will mute and ignore you. Keep bumping and harassing others and you risk being reported and banned. Don't be a Nasty Newbie.

How Do I Play This Game? - Part 2

My first post on this topic was really about manners and the rules of behavior. Today I want to talk about what to do in Second Life.

"Why am I here?" "What do I want to do?" The answers to those two questions should be your guide. Are you into fantasy, orcs and elves, dragons, and monsters? Do your search for the keywords that will lead you to those sims. Space and science fiction? You can become a Star Fleet Academy cadet. If you know what kind of character you want your avatar to be, search for the sims inworld that fit your character. The stores and malls in those sims will also be a good place to find the apparel and equipment that you will want for your avatar to fit in.

What about if I want to become a builder or designer? Then you need to take classes. Learn how to use the tools. Find a mentor. The basics of building is fairly simple. The devil, as they say, is in the details. Once you learn the craft, you can design and build for yourself, or if you can come up with something truly unique, you can start your own business with your own products.

Do I need to be a builder or designer to make money inworld? No you can operate a business and sell other people's products. Just like the real world you will need a good location in a high traffic area, and attractive products that people will want. Easy isn't it?

What about a job? Ok if you are a real newbie who has never played before, face the facts, you don't have much to offer at first. You are learning the rules and getting your feet wet. There are jobs available. Here are a few:

• Clubs are always looking for host and hostesses to greet their guests and make them feel welcome. Anyone with a sparkling personality can fit into a job like that.
  
• Clubs need DJs. If you have a large music collection and talent in choosing music that your audience will dance to, that might be the job for you.
  
• Designers need models for their clothes. The key to that job is to have a good looking avatar which means you need to invest in high quality shapes, skins, hair and clothes. The nice thing is that you usually keep the clothes you are modeling. But like all good models you will need a portfolio to show potential clients.
  
• The are other jobs too - event planners, wedding planners, artists, musicians, and land managers. The world's oldest profession is alive and well in Second Life, but this is a PG blog so we won't discuss it here.

So how do I play this game? Look, Listen, and Learn. Spend time in the welcome areas, orientation Islands, malls, and shops. Visit the freebie stores, explore. And ask questions. Some people will make fun of a newbie. Ignore them and walk away. Look around and you will spot someone who is answering questions. Speak to them. There are lots of mentors out there, even more volunteer newbie helpers, and just friendly folks who will take time to answer your questions, offer you landmarks, advice and even free clothes and skins.

We all have wondered how to play the game at one time. We all have been newbies. It wears off quickly. In the meantime, enjoy the confusion!

Another Weekend Over

Just a short blurb today. Memorial Day weekend passed uneventfully. RL family and friends are doing fine. Cooked steaks on the grill Sunday night. SL is doing well too. No major drama there either. I'm considering renting some land and building a house. I may become a clothes model for my new girlfriend, who is a designer. Life is fun again.

How Do You Play This Game?

If you have read my previous posting, this is a typical newbie question that Second Life residents hear nearly everyday. I may put this on a notecard and hand it out to newbies. I might need to give it to some of the older Second Lifers too.

A game? No, this is not a game. You can play games here, but this is a virtual world. I live here (at least part of my time) and my friends live here. We are all have different reasons to be in SL. Some of us run businesses. Others are gamers. Still more are builders, and thank God for them. They design our clothes, our homes, all the HUDs and attachments we use. The main thing is that Second Life is a community. This is my community. I live here.

Any time you put people together the need develops for social order. Some people think Linden Labs just arbitrarily made up the TOS, but the Terms Of Service come from the need for people to interact in a fashion that is acceptable to the group as a whole.

So in a PG area you are not allowed to run around naked. Vulgar and obscene language is not tolerated. What you say in IM is one thing, but in Local Chat and Voice Chat anyone and everyone can hear you and frankly dude, I don't want to know how big your pixel dick is nor do I want to see it.

Mature areas of SL have different rules and they are much looser. So if your vocabulary is so limited that you have to used profanity as an adjective and verb in every sentence, then go to a sim where that is acceptable and cuss to your little, slimy heart's content. If you want to try out those new sex poses your found in the freebie shops, try them in a mature sim not in the middle of Morris Welcome Area.

Funny thing though. If you go to a mature sim, one of the first things that often happens in the landing zone is you get a notecard of specific rules. I don't think there is anywhere in SL that is completely lawless. I may be wrong, but if there is, I don't want to go there.

But back to the SL community in general. Like I said, we residents live here. We have invested part of our real lives here. Most of us just want to live in peace. We are tolerant of others and put up with newbie questions. We all come here with different religious and political beliefs. I might state mine from time to time, but I don't expect you to agree with me. I hope I can learn something about your background and culture while you are learning about mine. The fact that, on a daily basis, I can talk to Americans. Canadians, Brits, Scots, Aussies, Kiwis, as well as people from Spain, the Netherlands, Belgium, Brazil, Germany, Poland, Russia, the Ukraine, and Japan is fantastic. We come from different places, but we all have the same human needs and we frequently discover that we have some of the same interests and share the same fears and hopes for our planet. Second Life is not a game. It is so much more. We live, and love, laugh and cry. I am here to enjoy life. I hope you are here to do that too.

How to Recognize a Newbie

new• bie ['n(y)oobe]
noun (pl - bies) an inexperienced newcomer especially in computers.
also NOOB

We all have seen them. We all have joked about them. And face it folks, we all have been them. Everyday hundreds of newbies log into Second Life for the first time. Some have other in-world gaming experience so it is a matter of getting their feet wet and learning the particularities of SL. For others, the great IT gods help them, haven't a single clue about why or even how they got to this particular place and time. It amazes the rest of us that they even know how to boot their computers!

So how do you recognize a newbie. If you are a newbie, here is how the rest of us know even before looking at your birthday in your profile.

• How do I play this game?
  
• How did I get here?
  
• How do I get to back to where I was?
  
• How do I get a job?
  
• Where do I go to have sex?
  
• How do I get money?
  
• How do I get clothes?
  
• What is a landmark?
  
• How do I teleport?
  
• Where are you from? (and without waiting) How old are you?
  
• How do I take off my skin?
  
• I can't find my clothes.
  
• How do I open this box?
  
• Walking around with a box attached.
  
• A friendship invitation out of the blue without speaking first.
  
• Bumping into everyone.
  
• Standing in a welcome area editing appearance for 20 minutes.
  
• The inadvertent newbie leap in the middle of a conversation.
  
• Still wearing the pink prim skirt after changing clothes the first time.
  
• Males - blue and grey shirt
  
• Females - that awful pink dress!
  
• Newbie skin.
  
• Non-prim newbie hair.

I know that some of you SL regulars have your own favorites, so please comment and let me hear them.

If you are a newbie, the good news is that it wears off in time, quickly for most of us. Watch and listen. Help is out there. Look for SL Mentors in the welcome areas, ask questions in local chat. Lots of us are willing to help when asked nicely. Also, even though you can't get back to Help Island where you started, you can go to Pubic Help Island where there are always helpers on duty and lots of tutorials available.

If you are a newbie there is no shame to asking for help, but remember we regulars may look like we are standing around doing nothing at all, but we might be trying to reorganize our inventories, talking in IM or voice, reading email, checking a website, monitoring a business, or maybe have just ran to the bathroom, so we may not be paying attention to you.

If you are a regular be nice. Cut the noobs some slack and don't just laugh at their inexperience. Remember the first person to help you? Aren't you glad they did?

Me... Revealed

I am not sure why I am doing this, but I have a lot of friends on online who I have never met in RL, but I have seen their RL photos. Nothing special, just simple portrait shots of their smiling selves. Although I know and recognize them by their avatars, I enjoy knowing who the real person is behind the mask as it were.

I am thinking of finally putting my picture in my SL profile or at least put the link to my blog there. In one respect I feel like I am opening up too much, but on the other hand this is a way to show my trust in my friends.

So anyhow, without further adieu, here is a photo of the big guy himself, the real Harry.

Coming soon. How to recognize a Newbie! Duh!

One Week Ends... A New One Begins

Last week was a rough one for me in SL. Two friends that I care for a lot had a falling out. I wanted to help them make up, but it was not meant to be. They are both wonderful people, but sometimes things get said, little things build to a head, and there is no going back. It was something I had to accept. My attempt to help only strained one friendship to near the breaking point. None of us walked away unscarred by it all.

What else happened? I tried to get too close to one of my friends. She wasn't encouraging it, but I wasn't reading the signs very well. That has always been a problem with me. The closer I get to a girl, the more I imagine being with her. Most of my affairs in life, RL or SL, have been just my imagination running wild. I got lucky this time. I kept the friend, but I broke my own heart.

Another friend, Crystal, told me to stop looking so hard for the right girl. "The right girl will appear when you are not looking" she said. Maybe that happened last night. I won't give any details about her, except that she tried to talk to me while I was sitting in Morris Welcome Area. I was surrounded by my other friends, male and female, and I was all alone. She started talking to me. I was distracted and depressed and I was slow to answer. I said I was sorry and made an excuse about rl interfering with our conversation. She persisted. I read her profile. Young. Maybe too young for an old man like me. Maybe she was just being nice since we were on the same piece of wall.

I crashed (SL was somewhat unstable last night) and she was gone when I came back. I don't have a lot of clothes for this avatar and too many of the clothes for my previous ones are non-transferable. Most of what I have are freebies that don't look that good. So I went shopping.

Like I said, I read her profile. She is a clothes designer. I went to her store and found a couple of shirts I really liked. I wasn't looking for her, but she was upstairs and came down and said hello. She gave me a third shirt, one of her most expensive. I thanked her and asked if there was somewhere nearby I could unpack the box*.

She took me to her house and gave me permission there to open it. I put on the gift shirt. She said I looked very good in it. Then she showed me her home. We sat on a couple of meditation pillows by a large window overlooking the sea. We talked. We talked so long... It was getting late, but I didn't want to leave her. I looked for signs that maybe we could get closer. I asked for a kiss and she said yes. We kissed and talked. Time would not slow down though and finally I had to leave.

I want to see her again.. soon. I want to be loved, but I don't want to make a fool of myself again. Oh God, I feel like a teenager again. Young, stupid and clumsy. I don't know what to do or say. I don't want to mess this relationship up like I have so many others. I have a chance here for a new beginning. When one door closes another one opens. One week ends and a new week begins.

*If you are not familiar with Second Life, when you purchase items in a store they come either in a box or a folder. Folders can be opened immediately, but a box must be rezzed first and then the contents moved to your inventory. That has to be done on your own land or in a public sandbox. Some stores have a small area for customers to use.

Solitary Man

Don't know that I will,
but until I can find me,
a girl who will stay,
won't play games behind me.
I'll be what I am,
a solitary man, solitary man.

That's a Neil Diamond song that sort of became my personal anthem in the 60s. I had no girl and no prospect of getting one. I went to my Junior Prom with a friend from Newport News, 70 miles away. I went to my Senior Prom with a classmate who couldn't get a date either. Some girls in our class arranged it so we wouldn't be left out. We were a pity date for each other. Susan was a sweet girl and I was a young gentleman. Forty years later we laughed about it during our last class reunion.

But there has been another song that has been on my mind today. It's my own damn fault. When you live part of you life in an world of imagination, sometimes you imagination gets the best of you. I did that this past week. I found myself wanting more from a friend, who I already have a special relationship with, than was possible. I made a fool of myself and risked loosing a friend. But that song still haunts my thoughts...

Close to Cathy
by Mike Clifford

I'm so close to Cathy
I know just what she's dreaming of
She always calls me up to tell me
Every time she falls in love

Oh, I'm so close to Cathy
I know her every tender sigh
She loves to cry upon my shoulder
Always for some other guy

Oh, why can't she see
The one true, lasting love
In her life should be me

I'm so close to Cathy
As close as anyone can be
And I'll stay close to Cathy
Hoping some day
She'll feel close to me

I'm so close to Cathy
As close as anyone can be
And I'll stay close to Cathy
Hoping some day
She'll feel close to me

Before and After

Here are two photos of me. The first is a photo I came across a few days ago. It is my very first avatar on my very first day of Second Life on April 18, 2008. I give you the newbie Harry, complete with the medieval shirt. The only thing missing is that stupid torch.

Now compare that to 13 months later. The new improved Harry has realistic skin, better body shape and clothes that don't scream noob at everyone in sight. Today I am wearing a western outfit, but that is not my only look. I have a tux if I am taking a pretty girl to a nice ballroom for dancing. I have trunks and a Hawiian shirt for the beach or pool. You need a lot of clothes in Second Life just like Real Life to fit the occasion. Which reminds me, I also have a doctor's outfit and the Tin Man from the Wizard of Oz, but I'll leave that for another posting.

“Never try and teach a pig to sing..."

"It wastes your time and annoys the pig.”

That's one of Lazarus Long's* rules of life. I started thinking of what are my rules of life were after a conversation In SL recently. Many of us go through our lives without any conscious thought of how we want to be treated and how we treat people. Others have spent a good deal of time examining their world view and philosophy of life.

Our beliefs and value systems come from a variety of sources, our parents and siblings, our religious institutions, our culture, and our peers, just to name a few. For some of us our rules of life are set in stone early in life and we don't change. Myself, I have tried to grow and change and improve myself as I have gotten older.

I grew up in a small southern town in the 1950s and 60s. I grew up in an environment that was racially stratified. I grew up Southern Baptist, white, and privileged. But I was lucky. My parents were not overtly prejudiced. My father particularly taught me to respect a man for what he says and does, and not judge him by the color of his skin. My mom, who was Catholic before marrying my dad and moving to the South, taught me to be skeptical of religious dogma. My parents, both Army veterans during WWII, also taught me to share what I had with others. I guess that is why I became a teacher, to share my knowledge and experience with my students.

I still am a Baptist and I believe these things. Jesus Christ died for our sins and was resurrected. I believe the the priesthood of all believers. I don't need someone to interpret the Bible for me. There are other points in my religious beliefs, but let's get back to rules. In Matthew 7:12 Jesus says "Do to others what you would have them do to you". That is my basic rule for behavior in real life and Second Life.

There are other ways of saying it. John Wayne in "The Shootist" said, "I won't be wronged, I won't be insulted, and I won't be laid a hand on. I don't do these things to other people and I require the same from them."

I don't have a whole long list of rules for my life. I just want to be nice to people and have them be nice to me. I know that doesn't always happen. Some people are not nice. Some people are rude, dishonest and untrustworthy.

Lastly sometimes people make mistakes. They say or do the wrong thing. People get hurt intentionally or otherwise. I didn't speak to my brother for ten years because he ruined the paint job on my car "decorating" it on my wedding day. It took a long time to forgive him, but I did. You can have have all the rules to your life that you want, but if you can't forgive people, you will end up with a very short list of friends.

*Lazarus Long was one of Robert A. Heinlein's most popular characters in his science fiction books.

OMG! Did you hear..."

Two of my friends are fighting. They are not speaking. I like them both and I feel stuck in the middle.

Sounds like I am in high school again, doesn't it? I feel that a lot when I am in Second Life. Maybe it is because we are all playing make believe. Maybe it's because we sometimes say and do things without thinking about the consequences, i.e. acting like immature children.

I don't want to act like a child. I want to treat others with the same respect I try to show others in real life. I try not to say things that are hurtful to my friends. Occasionally I still screw up. I have seen people in SL show great compassion and understanding of other points of view and lifestyles. Furries are nice people. So are dragons. In the welcome areas you see mech warriors chatting with elves. Nekos talking to vampires.

I have also seen the same bigotry and prejudice that haunts my country and other countries around the world. In Second Life sexual orientation, race, religion, age, and lifestyle choices are all targets for intolerance. At one time I thought that the people who are intelligent enough to navigate around a virtual world on a computer would also be smart enough to avoid the prejudices that have held the human race down so long. But I was wrong. Digital literacy does not equate to tolerance of other people's lifestyles and belief.

I started this particular post with the idea of talking about reliving my own melancholy of youth. In my attempt to make friends here in Second Life I have experienced those fears of being accepted, wanting to sit at the cool kid's table, but being stuck at the geek table instead. For most of my 60 years I've wanted to be popular and not feel like I am different. But I am. Now I realize we are all different. We all have our insecurities. Some of us are better at hiding them. Still we all need friends. I have a few good friends in Real Life. I have a few more in Second Life. I wish I could keep them from hurting themselves and each other. I love them both.

"Something's Happening Here..."

"What it is ain't exactly clear."

This has been a rough week for us all. Where do you go to begin to explain the deaths of 32 innocent souls?

Monday, the first RSS feed said one dead at Virginia Tech, and I am ashamed to say that I hardly blinked at the report. We have become so numb to the fact that people are dying everyday. One more death somewhere else hardly registers anymore. But the juniors in my block 2 class have friends at Tech. they kept scanning the internet for more news. Unfortunately it kept coming. 1, 2, 17, 21, 22. Finally the count stopped at 32.

At lunch I talked to the football coach. He had called several Goochland students at Tech. they were okay. Even better news - they had been in contact with all the other students from Goochland. Everyone was fine and accounted for. Two freshmen overslept and were not in the Engineering building when the shooting started. The Goochland students had networked together using their laptops and cell phones to check on each other. The good news traveled fast.

By the end of the school day we knew that the killer was dead and we tried to understand how all of this could happen. What drives someone so far away from sanity to become so destructive? Why have events like this become so common in the past ten years?

Tuesday through Thursday I tried to keep on doing my job, keeping students on task, grading assignments, and watching my students behavior, but the whole time I had this pain in my stomach as I thought about all those lives that had been destroyed.

Friday we all became Hokies. We wore VT jerseys, tee shirts, and hats. We wore anything that was maroon and orange. We wore little ribbons to honor the dead. We took a moment to think about and remember those who had fallen, but we will take forever to wonder why it all happened.

ORIGINALLY POSTED ELSEWHERE ON APRIL 21, 2007.

The Human Touch

I got on a school bus at 8:30 this morning and hit the road with thirteen very bright students. The students sat in the back of the bus. They were talking, eating brownies, using their cell phones, and listening to the MP3 players (CD players are so last century).

As I sat up front near the driver, I opened my laptop and graded a few research reports my Technology & Multimedia students had written and submitted to me online through our Moodle course management server. I paste a rubric onto their last page and read the papers, highlighting mistakes, and adding comments in text boxes. When I get back to school I will print these out and return the papers to the students when I see them again next week.

After grading a few papers, I am tired of trying to balance my laptop on my knee and pull out my iPod and watch John Hendron's video podcast from the recent VSTE conference. The bus pulls off the interstate and arrives at Piedmont Virginia Community College where, in the auditorium, I tap into the school's wi-fi and start checking my mail, and writing.

As I am writing this I am on a field trip with the Blue Ridge Virtual Governor's School. I was assigned to be the facilitator of the 11th grade Computer Math class. These students meet with their instructors online using Blackboard (yea!) and spend most of their time writing programs in Visual Basic. Today they are meeting face-to face with their "schoolmates" from Nelson, Louisa, and Greene counties to prepare for presenting their group projects in May.

Computers, cell phones, digital cameras, webcams, printers, LCD projectors, PDAs, smart boards, graphing calculators, iPods, e-mail, instant messaging, Skype, websites, wikis, blogs, and does the list ever end? With all the technology available to teachers, I thought back to how some pundits said that computers would replace teachers in education. It hasn't happened and it never will.

Yesterday I was berating one class about the poor quality of their papers. They are eighth graders. Berating is putting it mildly. With today's technology I could do this with a post to my blog or a forum, or one day soon, e-mail each student, but I was standing in front of the room and I had a stack of papers clenched in my hand as I looked my students in the eye and tried my hardest to make them understand the importance of, not just doing a good job on a paper they will forget about in a month, but of doing your best on anything you do in life; that you get out of life what you put into it.

Teachers, good teachers, provide the human touch in education. We are not just content providers. We are not here to teach to the test. We are here because we want to teach the whole student. It's not just our subjects that are important. It is the love of life, this world, learning for the fun of it. I don't want my students to just know how to use technology. I want them to know how to use technology responsibly. Yesterday I could look directly in my students eyes and know whether I was reaching them with my tirade. It sunk in with some of them. The others, well I'll keep chipping away at them. The point is technology doesn't teach, teachers do. We do it by facing our students every day and dealing with the myriad of variables that our students bring into the room with them. We provide the human touch.

ORIGINALLY POSTED ELSEWHERE ON MARCH 22, 2007.

O Brave New World

I am getting braver in my use of Web 2.0 technologies. I have a blog at school [REDACTED] which I have used for the past two years to post information about my classes, but the school system IT people have comments turned off. Students and parents can e-mail us so the thinking is that comments are not necessary and would tend to slow down the server. (The server gods must be kept happy!)

Back in the old days before the World Wide Web, there were (and still are I think) listservs that had a similar function to blogs. If you were interested in hiking the Appalachian Trail then you would search for a listserv on that topic and you joined.

I joined a few way back then, but I was a ghost who looked on and never had the nerve to actually say anything. I watched flame wars and dumb questions that could easily be answered by the FAQ. I also watched some brilliant debate of the topics of the day. That impressed me. I didn't know anything about the writers other than what they said and what I could figure out from the e-mail address. Someone from .uk arguing with someone from .fr (go figure!) This was fascinating.

That is when I first learned to appreciate the power of the internet to transmit ideas. When the Soviet Union collapsed, I was reading postings from behind the crumbling iron curtain while the news services were struggling to get information from their reporters on the ground. I became a convert to the belief that ideas and knowledge can and do bridge the gap created by ignorance and fear.

Anyhow back to blogs.
I never posted to someone else's blog until today. Today I was reading Pogue'sPost at the New York Times and I posted a reply. Not much, but a first step.
FIRST POSTED ELSEWHERE ON MARCH 6 2007.

The Maid Comes on Monday: An Introduction

It was a peaceful Sunday night. I was relaxing in the den when suddenly the quiet was broken by the trill ringing of the phone. "Hello, Mr. H. May I speak to your wife?" the soft-spoken voice on the other end of the line asked.

Sounds like a pretty good beginning to a murder mystery, doesn't it? Well in all truth it is all so much more mundane. My wife has for the past several years gotten a maid to come in and do some light cleaning for us every couple of weeks, but she usually comes on a Thursday or Friday. She called last night - hence the title.

The funny thing about the maid coming is that, you guessed it, we spent an hour quickly running around the house making it presentable for the maid!

I told my wife that I thought the title was a good one to use for a book (or in this case, a blog) and she said I was crazy. As she pointed out - "The maid has to go to work somewhere every Monday."

Well, I hope you are enjoying your Monday. Mine is off to a good start. -Harry

[This was originally posted in another blog I had on another site. March 5, 2007.]