Happy Thanksgiving

We Americans celebrate Thanksgiving on Thursday. I just want to say to anyone who may be reading my blog that I am thankful for my friends in Second Life. I never have played the "game" very well, but I am sincere in my desire to make others happy when I can.

So thanks to Allison, Crystal, Dana, Danger, Dany, Cliff, Xanadu, Wicked, Grace, Jadee, Jan, Kane, Cyrus, Kharma, LadyAlpha, Lili, Mudpile, Valerie, Lola101, Lonely, Paige, Pella, Monarch, Pat, Prudence, Sandie, Talatha, Warm, Fay, Crompton, Digital, Anthony, Issableau, and Suzy.

Thank you for talking to me, for helping to make me laugh, for tolerating my stupid remarks and my, more than occasional, depression. Thanks.

I know I am forgetting some, because you are not all in my friends list, yet you are my friends.

In real life I'll be raking leaves over the next few days, helping to prepare the feast on Thursday, and spending time with family. I hope you are taking time to spend time with your families too. -Harry

Poor Pixie

My dear pixie friend has been suffering from Computis Interuptis. Her PC died from a dead hard drive. It has been a month now since the last time she posted anything to her blog. I think I can safely speak for her friends in saying we all miss her wit and wisdom.

I know things have been rough lately. But don't despair. The Pixie Warrior will be back. I hope it is soon.

Friend, Unfriend, De-unfriend

Friends

Over the weekend I saw a girl I know sitting by herself on the wall. I said hello and sat down to keep her company (not to mention I needed company.) We both came to the sudden realization that we would like to get to be closer friends.

We went dancing and had a good time. We talked about our real lives and what we like to do. The next night we went dancing again and then to an 'almost' wedding. Almost because the groom didn't show up (More on that later.) Anyhow my new girl friend and I just like to dance and chat. No pressure, no drama. Just two people who get along nicely together and are considerate.

I saw my old girl friend, Kharma, at the 'almost' wedding. We talked a little. I would have liked to talked more, but I had a date, and there was the reason it was an 'almost' wedding.

I sent an IM to my oldest friend in SL, one of whom I haven't seen in months. We both have moved on with our lives, but I still would like to know how she is. Maybe I will send her an e-mail.

Friends in Need

The groom's avatar was there at the wedding chapel. The guests had arrived and were waiting. The appointed hour passed and nothing. Finally the best man made an announcement. The groom had gone AFK (away from the keyboard). Something must be wrong, but no one knew what. Hours passed without word. Friends consoled the bride who was upset.

The groom could not be raised on his cell phone and his avatar stood in the chapel mute. Finally early in the morning the bride got word. The groom's back went out on him in his kitchen. He was laying on the floor for quite some time before he was able to call for help and was taken to the emergency room.

Everyone was relieved as the word spread, literally around the world. Friends, even ones who had barely spoken to each other in weeks, came together to help out in this minor crisis. PS- The wedding will be re-scheduled.

Unfriend

There was a story in the news yesterday. The New Oxford Dictionary has declared the word 'unfriend' the new word of the year for 2009. Oxford defines "unfriend," a verb, thusly: "To remove someone as a 'friend' on a social networking site such as Facebook." CNN Article

Unfriending, or defriending people happens on Second Life too. Sometimes it is a matter of housekeeping. I occasionally make friends with a newbie for just a couple of days until they get their feet wet. I do it as a courtesy to them, but I removed them from my list after a week because most of the time I am really not interested in knowing them better.

De-unfriend

New Oxford, are you listening? Here's a new word for the dictionary. De-unfriend. It means to add a person that you have previously unfriended as a friend again. My ex-friend and I have been talking ever since the 'almost' wedding. She and I were very concerned about our two mutual friends and that seems to have made a difference. When we talk I feel that old warmth in her chats. She and I seem to be able to joke and laugh together again, even share an inside joke that only we know. I haven't asked her to make me a friend in the technical sense on SL, but I feel that we are friends again. In my heart she is still my friend, and I am hers, whenever she needs me to be.

Ahern

Ahern is the name of one of four regions that meet in one big welcome area in Second Life. The other three are Dore, Morris, and Bonifacio (let me check the spelling before you send a nasty comment). Each one has a large pavilion where residents like to sit and talk.

The Morris pavilion is the one in the background of the photo. To the left you see the "Pit" as we call it. It's a low square area with a wall all around where the four regions converge. Between the walls and the benches there is plenty of room to sit, but most folks stand. Usually there is lots of local chat to read and voice chat to listen to.

I've always liked this place. Most of the friends I've made, I made here. Most of the avatars you see here are human, but that doesn't mean you won't see an occasional furry, neko, robot*, mech warrior, demon, pixie, elf, or anything else. I've seen a few avatars that I'll be darned if I know what they were. It's as a diverse a place as you can imagine.

The people who inhabit those avatars are diverse too, and that's the fun of meeting people and making friends here. Over the year and a half I have been in SL I have listened to a lot of different opinions about nearly every topic from global warming, economics, government and politics, sex and religion. I don't always agree with what I hear, but it is fun to share perspectives with people from all over the earth.

The debates are usually entertaining. Sometimes they get hot as one person tries to shout other opinions down. They often lose in the end, because unreasonable behavior will usually get them muted by the majority who become tired of their rants. I never debated in school, but it seems to me that there are rules that are common sense. Make logical arguments. Provide facts or evidence to back up your statements. Respect the other side's opinions and give them the same fair hearing that you want for your opinions.

Anyhow back to the main topic. I needed to leave Morris for awhile. Too crowded, you might say. I haven't gone far though. If I am not in Waterhead, you might see me in Dore or Bonifacio. I might even be (shutter) in the "pit". If you see me say hello.

* Robot avatars are one thing. "Bots" are another. Bots can be any kind of avatar, but they are not people. They have been programmed by their owners to walk around, speak and respond to others in very simple sentences. Sometimes they are there just to spy on the area, or sometimes send out spam to people.

Walking With A Friend

Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow.

Don't walk behind me, I may not lead.

Just walk beside me and be my friend forever.

~unknown

I was thinking of the parable of the steps in the sand of a man and God. The man looks back and sees that part of the time there was only one pair of footprints. He asks God "What happened. Why did you leave me?" And God replies "I didn't leave you then. Those are my footprints. I was carrying you."

Friends are like that too. Sometimes they are walking beside us, sharing our adventures. Sometimes they walk ahead of us to show the way. Sometimes they walk behind us, pushing us to go forward with our lives. But sometimes they are that one set of footprints, carrying us when we have fallen and can't go on.

I was pretty depressed in the past week. Things seemed pretty bleak and I felt all alone. That's when my friends stepped in. Friend, after friend sat and talked to me. Friends, who I thought were just casual acquaintances, spent time with me and tried to help me through my depression.

These people surprised me. They made me feel better. They didn't give up on me. They stood by me and kept me from falling. I had a friend once who changed drastically, pushing me away, pushing other friends away. Hurting herself more and more. It hurt me to watch and finally I walked away. I felt bad about that, but I got tired of her abuse.

Friends are good to have. I am glad for the friends I have now and I don't want to lose another.

"When you ask God for a gift,

Be thankful if he sends,

Not diamonds, pearls or riches,

but the love of real true friends."

~Helen Steiner Rice

What do you say?

I wrote about friendship once before when I had a friend who I thought I could trust, someone I cared about. I lost that friend. Big deal. They come and go, right? I wish it was that simple.

It's not that simple because I've never been a person who can trust and be comfortable with others. In other words, I don't make friends easily. I learned the hard lesson as a kid that most friends are superficial. Most just want things from you... a ride in your car, money, cigarettes, etc. As long as you provide for their needs you are a friend. It took awhile, but I learned that I had very few real friends by my late teens. Now when I do make a friend, a real friend, I do it when I feel safe with that person. I want to do anything for them and accept their faults because I want them to accept me with my faults.

I know what happened to cause my ex-friend to turn on me, to de-friend me in SL, but I don't know why what I did was so terrible. I made a mistake. I took her photo. When she started yelling I deleted the photo without anyone ever seeing it. I apologized. I begged forgiveness. It did no good.

First I was shocked. I didn't know what to say. Then I got angry. How could she end our friendship so callously? Then I got depressed. I tried again to talk to her. She finally started talking to me. She even expected me to say hello when we were in the same sim together and pretend nothing happened. Another friend told me to give it time and I have tried. I tried to show that I still liked her, that I respected her, that I still wanted her friendship. That changed last night. She went out of her way to be hurtful.

I've been trying to move on with my SL, even though I have been as much fun to be around as a cat's box that needs cleaning. I sit or stand in one place and hope I can think of something cute or witty to add to the conversation, but when you are depressed that is hard to do. So most of the time I sit there on the wall, mute and alone. But last night a newbie came up to me and said hello. Being a newbie, she had nothing in her profile, so I started talking to her. She was Brazilian and her avatar was not that good looking. Newbies rarely are until someone helps them find a skin and shape that looks more realistic and shows them where to shop for free clothes. Old hands know that and usually help a newbie unless they start talking obnoxious. My ex-friend thought to give me some advice. She suggested that Brazilians are hot, but in this case "Eeew".

Most of the people I know, whose RL photos I've seen, are your average middle-aged people. Most of us, but not all, are a bit overweight and past our prime. I make no bones about the fact I am overweight, out of shape, have a heart condition, and take way too many prescription drugs because I am overweight, etc.

I have a good looking avatar (my opinion and others), but I know that is not the true me, nor is it the true anyone else. We chose to look one way in SL, that represents our ideal self, or our fantasy self, but rarely our real self.

The very same ex-friend, who has the nerve to criticize the looks of a newbie, picking on her solely because the girl was talking to me, this ex-friend used to talk about how it's more important who you are inside and not your appearance. I can only assume she did it because she didn't care whether she hurt my feelings or that of the newbie.

I guess we are 'even' now. I did something she won't forgive. She did something that I shouldn't forgive.

Ideally you make a friend forever. You might not see them for months or even years, but when you do, you pick up where you left off. Friends stick with you when times are hard. You might not have the right words to say, but you try to say something.

What do you say to someone who just told you they had been molested as a child, or facing an ugly divorce and an uncertain future, or that they are critically ill with a debilitating disease that will only get worse and more crippling? What do you say when a young girl in her early 20s, who claims to be 105, tells you the headaches won't go away. What do you say to the lovely English lady who hopes her cancer stays in remission. DAMMIT! WHAT DO YOU SAY? TELL ME!

Tell me, because that is just a few of the things my 'friends' in SL have told me. I've tried to be loving and supportive and I KEEP FAILING to be the best friend I can be. I keep losing friends. Three so far are no longer in SL. Two were incurable and I hope they past gently into the next world. I am hoping the third is still alive although she is not online anymore. She said she would have to give up SL one day.

I've run out of words to say. I'm exhausted. I have tried hard, maybe too hard, to be something that maybe I wasn't meant to be. Maybe I wasn't meant to be anyone's friend. I need to stay away from SL for awhile and let things quiet down. Maybe with time I can gain some perspective. Despite all my pain and despair, I am closing with another poem about friends that I found on the Internet.

You My Friend

You my friend
You don't always show it,
but I know that you care.

You My friend
If I'd ever need you,
I know you'd be there.

You I'm glad you're my friend.
Your smile makes me smile.
Your pain makes me hurt.

You My friend
I want you to know:
If you need me--I'm there.
make you happy, make you laugh.

You My friend
Sometimes you make me mad,
but I can't stay mad.

You My friend
Sometimes I want to get away from you.
And sometimes there's nothing I want more than:
to talk to you, to tell you about my day,
to hear about yours, to laugh with you,
to tease you, to share an inside joke,
that no one else would get,
to argue with you,
but know we're just kidding..

You My friend
Do you remember the time when...?
There are so many times.

You My friend
Don't ever lose the wonderful person you are.
Stay happy. Stay healthy. Stay you.

You My friend
I'll never stop being your friend.
Don't ever stop being mine.

You My friend
Just wanted to tell you:
I care.

~Author Unknown

Duct Tape... Yeah I can fix that!

Man's way of solving almost any problem...

except women.